Scattered Self

obsessive compulsive defense measures or how freaks love to freak out

2011-06-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

Note taking papers, white and identical with important key words on them
Pink stickers
one full copy of my thesis, single sided
external reader's commentary, highlighted in green

This is what I have prepared so far for the upcoming defense. Jesus Christ am I setting up a bomb or something?

I can't believe myself !

:|

2011-06-10T12:46:00.001-07:00

It scares me that people never sense when's the right time to goof around. Disgustingly disappointing.

Disaster

2011-06-07T16:11:00.000-07:00

The intention of having a quiet Rosé evening with your feet on the desk and your eyes fixed on some vague image in the farthest horizons... the intention of sucking all the morning, noon and afternoon mess in your lungs and letting the nasty pieces of life settle in you... that determination, to subside in your chair and exist within the limits of your very own skin,

can be torn to pieces so simply in the most artistic way. It is as if the whole world had a conspiracy planned just for the person of you...

tea cup

2011-05-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

the tea cup is she who cares more than anyone else in the whole wide ugly world...

Alcohol

2011-05-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

move, flow, do something...

do not let me choke you...

freedom of speech?!

2011-05-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

There's a time to speak

and a time to be silent...

30 Rock

2011-05-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

"Good God Lemon, your breath... When did you find time to eat a diaper that you found on the beach?"

Jack Donaghy

knock it off already

2011-05-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

I don't give a rat's behind about Kate Middleton, let alone her sister!

What is wrong with you people?

what is it?

2011-05-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

What is it?

What is with me today?

I sit here in the library and I type all these words as if someone else does. Then my finger tips feel numb and I have this urge to get up and leave aimlessly but somehow end up on the 10th floor... two recklessly stuffed mushrooms and a big green salad... a half glass of tap water and a yellow handkerchief...

I keep thinking about all the things that I don't wanna think about and then it seems that my plate is empty...

I do remember to put the glass on the top tray and the elevator is weirdly stuck somewhere... I walk down the stairs... 9th floor, 8th floor... I make some noise... like I am moaning... 6th floor... my eyes burn, I check for my belongings, a wallet, a lighter, a pack of Golden Gates and a black jacket... what is it?... 3rd floor... 2nd floor... I go to the Japanese Garden to smoke and it's stuffed with clay pots and ugly leaves... I light a cigarette but then there is this urge again... to leave...

It's all so aimless and endless but then I have this perfect idea to leave and leave and leave and never come back... without persuasion, without pressure and without letting you know where I am standing... there is an urge to leave while you are hiding in your nihilistic sleep, where I am only a lizard lost in the patterns of a brick wall...

and I keep telling myself this is not the right time to open the Pandora box... but there's a kick inside... there's an urge... a perfect idea... to break... to throw... to burn...

what is it anyway?

What is with me today?

when you pull the wrong prank at the wrong time

2011-05-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

Fragile redefines itself at hard times, when nothing is specifically wrong but you - fresh out of the shower -somehow happen to remember a far memory and get a lump in your throat on which you almost choke for a moment.

the line

2011-05-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

I can die, in that deep yet soft line that touches the verges of your smile...

the worse comes to worst

2011-04-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

when you have a headache and you're cracked out with a whole mess of thesis load to sort out (which apparently means that you're absolutely drained of your sense of humor) and you run to the kitchen to make some coffee and a bunch of drunk douche bags spill a whole bottle of water in your face just to show you how Hungarians celebrate Easter...

and guess what! they were not even from Hungary...

G'nite & Screw Up

2011-04-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

Why did I have to dream of walking into a house, where he lived with his wife? And God, I thought she was so beautiful and nice and smart and as I was smoking in the balcony, I kept thinking what on earth I was doing there... then he came back and wanted to shower up and we sat still, talking and sharing girl-thoughts...

Why did I have to dream of a teenage boy, a psycho, who loved me dearly like I was his older sister, whom I loved too, and who had killed many... and we knew there was no way out, when he threw up all those pinky fingers... and I took his hands as he shivered and told him that I'd wait till he got out... little innocent boy, how could he have done all those things?

vague hope

2011-04-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

I sat mother down, me here, she there, and I talked to her. She cried (though she's one of those women, who almost never cries), I cried. We exchanged a few tears. I told her to wait and let me grow out of this mess and I told her to trust me. She said that she does trust me, but she can't help freaking out. I said it was fine.

Started a very intense routine today. Study, write, work, with a little bit of eating and drinking and peeing and smoking and yoga every now and then. It's a weird combo, I know... but it keeps me going.

The cop talked to me. He was tired. I played cool. Then I cracked. I said I was tired. He understood. He said we both need to recover. I said full recovery is not intended for people like us, but we can improve. He said he knew this already. And so we said G'nite, and he went to sleep, and I came to work, and we both have one thing in common, that keeps us going...

my many names

2011-04-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

I love the names you give me, like idiota (with a funny Italian accent) when I do stupid things you enjoy, or my pretty ugly duckling (pretty as in beautiful) when I show the stubborn side that keeps me a bit isolated from the world and away from blossoming into my full capacities as you put it, or you Latino B*tch when you want to emphasize the fact that I am so stupid that I deny what I have (internally and externally)... go on, give me names... I feel more recognizable with you...

Comfortably Numb

2011-04-03T03:23:00.000-07:00

After feeling fed up with Pink Floyd for a long time (thanks to the increasing number of their gross fans and the stupid interpretations of their songs) I finally craved something Pink Floydish today and immediately started listening to Echoes and then to Comfortably Numb. And I so wish people wouldn't ruin the great sense of possibility that art can induce.

I'm a nasty elitist, I know... I feel for the masses but I detest them. No offense...

hole-some

2011-02-28T03:04:00.000-08:00

you my friends,
with those table spoons
carving pieces of me
pieces so little you barely see
watch out
beware
you're making
a lousy hole inside me

cut

2011-02-23T03:27:00.000-08:00

shall I lay low

as the breeze

runs in the ruins

jillybean nights

2011-02-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

Play my fingers
as I watch the lights in the snow

I have bought cigarettes
a whole blue pack you know

reach for the silky purple lump
as we face window to window

I'm alright. It's just me.

2011-02-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

It's sad to know that for you, being alright is exactly the same as not being so. If one day I just wake up all happy and bright, I will panic.
I confess that I cannot let go of this melancholic me. It just has to be there. And I know how sick it might look.

confessions

2011-01-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

and you are gone
but gone is the thought of you being gone for good...

p.s: Our little confessions keep me going

your smile

2011-01-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

I love your smile and I love how you smile every time I confess that...

Progress

2011-01-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

Katatonia in 1993 vs. Katatonia in 1996

cart vs. Porsche

fingers crossed

2010-12-22T05:40:00.000-08:00

I will wait for you, now that you're gone. I'm with you and I don't care if you're here or not. After all we have not really been under the same sun. When I tell you to be strong, it feels like I am talking to myself. You made up your mind and you're doing something brave and I am proud of you. Yes, it is I who's got to be strong. But know, always know, that you are loved and missed and I suffer along with you.

I'll wait for you. Come back. Wait for me. I'll be there in March.

lunch-time battle

2010-12-14T06:08:00.000-08:00

I just saved myself from a defective banana.

hurt

2010-12-02T04:25:00.000-08:00

It's not too much, believe me; I just gonna go back to my room and stay in bed. It hurts.

suck it

2010-11-30T03:31:00.001-08:00

you can't choose

who chews you

restless

2010-11-27T13:08:00.000-08:00

To whom should I address these restless thoughts of mine then?

Snow

2010-11-26T20:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just need some snow to feel alive, to feel young...

Farhad Mehrad

2010-11-25T15:25:00.000-08:00

This guy, Farhad Mehrad, is the perfection of articulation, he makes you live every single word he utters, makes you absorb all that a single word can possibly offer you...

Listen

Still-B

2010-11-23T04:13:00.000-08:00

hold me

when I crouch

and keep me

so I'll not shoot out

Final Papers Due Date!

2010-11-22T06:37:00.000-08:00

Professor T.K: I honestly don't care when you're going to turn in your papers. I really think that you all need a vacation and I don't want to ruin it. I think that you are all collectively zombies at this point.

hush

2010-11-20T18:38:00.000-08:00

On the side of your neck,
there's a cave;
my rocking chair,
I am hushed

Dreamlessness

2010-11-20T07:00:00.001-08:00

I have lost my dreams. Can you believe that at this very moment I have no dreams whatsoever? I am so hollow right now. Give me a dream... a reason to cling on to life...

Emotional Winter

2010-11-17T02:28:00.000-08:00

Speak to me
For I have seen
Your waning smile
Your scars concealed
So far from home, do you know you're not alone
Sleep tonight
Sweet summerlight
Scattered yesterdays, the past is far away

How fast time passed by
The transience of life

wasted moments won't return
we will never feel again

Beyond my dreams
Ever with me
You flash before my eyes, a final fading sigh
But the sun will (always) rise
And tears will dry
Of all that is to come, the dream has just begun

And time is speeding by
The transience of life

wasted moments wont return
And we will never feel again

Download Song

P.S: I am scared. Find me...

:)

2010-11-15T15:54:00.001-08:00

I am happy... These little things we share make me feel the happiest I have ever been in the past year.

swim out

2010-11-14T11:55:00.000-08:00

I don't really like fish. I love trouts though and how swift and elegant they are. If trouts were the size of goldfish, I would definitely have a couple of them here in a crystal bowl with me...
For some reason, right now, I want a little black fish... I wanna feed her and talk to her.

K is still in prison. I am disgusted. I don't want no fish.

no violence

2010-11-13T16:01:00.000-08:00

But I love guns...

Abnormal Activity (!)

2010-11-13T05:49:00.000-08:00

After almost 12 years of being a woman in the physiological sense of it, i.e menstruating regularly, today was the very first time that when I figured out I had gotten on the rag I felt so disgusted and sick that I almost threw up. I have never heard any of my girl-friends complain of the same thing. But for me, all through these 12 years, the very sight of blood on the first day of my period is like a big shock, it gives me palpitation and a sense of fear and today I was barfing for two minutes. Why?

p.s: I am not disgusted by the sight of blood and gore in general.

itchy hands

2010-11-11T02:20:00.000-08:00

Freakin' paper cuts... dammit !

with

2010-11-10T06:43:00.001-08:00

I have run away...
run away
run away
...

whistle in the wind...

2010-11-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

It's raining here, I can hear it...
and I have had tea...
and I am warm inside and outside
I need the last touch
to call this home

where are you?

Sunday

2010-11-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

Yes I was here all Sunday... drinking peach juice and smoking red L&Ms and hurting in my head, my tooth and the center of my heart...
I wish they fixed assassinated hearts too in dental clinics...
yes I wish...

Sanja's prophecies

2010-11-06T03:37:00.001-07:00

Sanja: Lady Gaga has a concert in Zagreb this weekend... [sad face]
Uros: I will kill this woman for 50 euros!
Sanja: Sweetie, we've already talked about this, there are people who are willing to kill YOU for FREE!

Valkyrie

2010-11-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

He picked me up
as I was black-nailing my hands,
when my still-born thoughts
were all not welcome in familiar lands

I just danced

ERROR

2010-11-04T03:25:00.000-07:00

Simulation Terminated
Simulation Terminated
Simulation Terminated

BP UP UP UP

2010-11-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

Palpitation
Palpitation
Palpitation
Palpita
Palpi
Palp
pa
pa
paH
pa
POP!

-------

Flower boy

2010-10-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

A couple of hours ago I was wondering what to do with this new catch-22 situation of mine when James knocked on my door and gave me this:

and when I asked what it was for, he just said: "to cheer you up"

and I had tears in my eyes.

How sweet can a friend be...

suddenly

2010-10-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

If I move to you, will you move to me?

no response to paging

2010-10-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered a whole new world when I dropped my cellphone in the toilet bowl (of course accidentally)... yyyeap... a whole new world it was :|

A note...

2010-10-24T14:50:00.000-07:00

I have to make a difference. I have to change, life has to be good cause I can't afford to suffer anymore; even masochists need a break. Nobody can help me, nobody will help me, it's only me and me so I have decided to be good to myself.

night vision

2010-10-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

The blinds are for the day, to keep the sun from violating my privacy.

Wooha! This room is only open to the night sky.

Today it was around 3 p.m that I suddenly felt like there was nothing in this world that I really wanted to do. I think it was one of those moments when people might actually commit suicide. Anyway, I turned off the lights, opened my closet and took all the big winter jackets and bags and shoes out and piled them on the bed then I went inside the closet and shut myself in. It was dark but I felt so safe that I thought I could spend the rest of my life in there. A few minutes later I started having visions of a snake attacking me in the dark, so I jumped out, went to the bathroom and fetched my flash-light and went back in. From time to time I'd just check the inside of the closet and make sure there were no snakes around, then I'd lean back in the dark and enjoy being a big 22-year-old fetus. I would've stayed there if I could...

Moments

2010-10-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

Jack Twist: You are too much for me Ennis, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you.

Ennis Del Mar: [crying] Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you Jack, that I'm like this! I'm nothin'... I'm nowhere... [Jack tries to hold him] ...Get the fuck off me! I can't stand being like this no more, Jack.

Morning sickness

2010-10-19T00:18:00.000-07:00

Do you have these mornings when you wake up numb and confused? when you don't care which shoe to wear, how to do your hair or what to take with you when you leave (for work, school, etc. ) ?
Well today is one of those mornings. All I can think of is 6 o'clock when I'll be home.

open-scar

2010-10-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

This is an open-scar. You have invented it. It used to be an open wound once and I cared for it while it bled and one day I thought it was OK and I was so happy. But you know what? it is never OK, it just doesn't bleed massively anymore but it does hurt from time to time, it does prevent me from smiling from time to time. I know I said I let you go but it doesn't mean that I have forgiven you... I will never forgive you... I want to, but I can't... after all these months I am still mad...

Don't wanna be scary

2010-10-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

Why am I so scary? why is everyone so afraid of me?

madly sad or sadly mad

2010-10-13T17:35:00.000-07:00

To hell with the world, I am full of hatred and anger right now.

sit and drink...

2010-10-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

In bed, I drink Darjeeling tea and play backgammon with the monsters... then I sleep and they hide right under my bed till tomorrow night's tea party...

Good Weekend

2010-10-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

I can say that this weekend was indeed a multi-tasking weekend for me. I partied, slept a lot, prepared myself for Monday classes, went to the gym and exercised a lot and smoked less!
Now after blow-drying my hair, I am going to watch Family Guy, polish my nails and go to bed. I feel happy and pampered.

Saturday Blues

2010-10-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm hiding in my room again. Another boring Saturday afternoon for which you had been planning for a while but then you felt like doing nothing...
I'm listening to "Je Suis Malade" on repeat mode, thinking of Francisco and the nights we spent giggling and gossiping and reading poetry and I miss her a lot. I try to write something but I am speechless. Ljupka and Katarina and Sanja knock on my door: "come let's go smoke and drink coffee or tea bitch", I am reluctant but I smile: "OK, I'll meet you at the smoking lounge"
I put on my pants, take my black cup and put a tea-bag in it, get my key, zippo and cigarettes and leave for the kitchen and I am thinking: "Hello world, you have to shut up... it's not gonna happen again..."

The Question

2010-09-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

To drop this Historical Anthropology course (a.k.a Diazepam) or not to drop it, that is the question...

and:

To take the Reading Medieval Texts or not to take it, this is the question as well...

It's a creul world

2010-09-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry My Captain. I'm sorry..

Life...

2010-09-24T03:39:00.000-07:00

I finally managed to find a few books related to my topic. They are very nice and I think I can extract some fine data from them if I manage to finish reading them on time.

Last night was a whole new experience which I hope no one else will ever have to face. It was a kind of realization that really really really hurt.

THE load

2010-09-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

Always thought about the reason why METALLICA called that Album of theirs: "LOAD"
Well I think I know the reason now and it was not revealed by anybody. Life has shown me...

Here I am!

2010-09-10T04:38:00.001-07:00

Yay, I made it actually! I don't know how but I did it and here I am in Budapest and I am very happy that I braved all the negative things in Iran and came here because it is absolutely worth the effort.

I actually tried to write everything down to remember the original feelings I have had so far, some on paper, some in my diary and some in my Farsi blog.

I have not started working on my thesis yet since I have not narrowed down the topic I had and I need to meet my supervisor/mentor too to get some help. One of the students here actually helped me a lot by finding a Hungarian professor who is an expert in Persian studies and will hopefully guide me while I am trying to find reliable resources. I can't wait to meet the guy.

How am I supposed to make it?

2010-08-18T12:30:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of different stuff recently and on and on I have felt this weird pain somewhere close to the center of my brain. It's a kind of pain that comes with a lump in my throat and a strong desire to grab someone's clothing and start crying with uncertainty. I have no idea when I can leave my old skin behind but I know that I have to and I know that I cannot help being this new person that I am becoming.

news flash!

2010-07-23T23:04:00.000-07:00

I have written nothing here during the past weeks. It’s been really hectic and my life is on the threshold of a big change, something that I’d been waiting for all this time and never really thought would happen so fast… and I am happy…
There is so much to say, so much to express and I don’t know where to begin. Even if no one reads this page I still wanna write because this is how I remember, how I can show and share what I have got within me.
At the moment I am ready to start a new way of life because soon I will be leaving for Budapest, Hungary to continue my studies at CEU in the field of medieval studies which is a big deal for me and also very exciting. I find it not easy to leave family and friends but I have had the experience once, maybe only in a smaller context, so I know I’ll survive. The only thing that really bothers me is the current condition of my country and the danger I feel lurks out there and threatens my loved ones especially my little sister whom I already think has to leave too and I’ll do all I can to help her do so ASAP.
There are still things that have to be done before I take off but I have this feeling that tells me those are no object to anything. I’ve done some shopping which is the best part of the preperation so far since I consider it a kind of therapy and who can deny that getting new things for oneself is bliss? :D
I have also my flight ticket for August 29th and it says a lot when I start finding this whole thing an impossible dream. It just tells me: “Dude I am right here, why the fu** do you think you bought me in the first place? Just get your shit done and get you’re a** onboard!”
So you know what? I’m just gonna stick with what my ticket says, forget all the negative thoughts and wait for the day!

No matter

2010-06-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

palpitation
I am leaving
yet it's not clear
when your head will turn

cloudy

2010-06-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

We are a fucked up generation
AND IT'S CLOUDY NOW

my dad knows

2010-06-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

The only "Happy Woman's Day" I got was in a text message my dad sent me. It must be weird for a dad to believe that his little daughter is indeed a woman now.

more of it

2010-05-29T07:59:00.002-07:00

I need some good poetry and a lot more of Will & Grace since when I watch the series with Francisco, I happen to have hope to be a bit happier and to live my life in a more exciting way.

uh

2010-05-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

You know what? forget it

rain

2010-05-20T02:56:00.000-07:00

I wanna rain everything away

22 and unhappy

2010-05-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

Five days off is too much when there is no purpose for anything. I feel like I am sleepwalking or dreaming all my life away. Am I not supposed to be happy at this age? Aren't people at a peak when they are 22? What's wrong here?

V

2010-05-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

Should I sell it or not?
This is the question.

Time don't move

2010-05-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

I am killing time so that I will be able to sleep when it's time to sleep. I haven't slept in like 30 hours and I don't wanna mess the circle up (not that it already isn't messed up)
God when is it gonna be 11 p.m or something?

7tir Sq.

2010-05-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

I smelled burning papers in the rain,
doves on fire,
life was hasty to swift away
as nobody awaited a new day

Russian Roulette

2010-04-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

and I am terrified, but I'm not leaving...

Starling!

2010-04-20T12:25:00.002-07:00

Starling! I wanna be Starling as she runs through the woods and pants as she thinks something is quite fishy. My whole life is fishy now, I need directions, need to run in the woods...

The Zoo

2010-03-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

Everywhere starts to hurt like crazy when you figure out for sure that you have been living in a zoo all this time.

9th Avenue

2010-03-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

9th Avenue, where my illusion and oblivion meet... I walk down the main street as my hands sweat and the moment comes for a drop to flop wide open when I hesitate to rush away or just turn left and enter a tunnel.
I'm in 9th Avenue and the ghosts of us surround me when a lady brings out the garbage and another stares out her kitchen window, dream counting...
9th Avenue breaks open and has no end when I happen to see the single blinking red light in the perspective while the leaves, weeds of our memories are not there anymore and the old man taps his toes on the front door rug.

Can you just not cry when I tell you all these?

I dare and I do, remember all the melodies when I hear you not talking to my hollow image and I hate to be with a soul so transparent that can't even cover my shadow.
9th Avenue dawns on my life while all the neighborhood babies roar and a dress dangles on a balcony teased by the wind and I keep thinking that someone familiar has to walk out of that door through which I am not reaching out for anyone anymore and for an eternity full of smashed "YOU&ME"s.

the stolen child

2010-02-28T03:53:00.000-08:00

Come away, O human child!

To the waters and the wild

With a faery, hand in hand,

For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand

P.S: This poem is by W.B.Yeats

Killer

2010-02-21T13:52:00.000-08:00

and why did I miss you?
dagger
I kill
and know
I will

Movie Nights

2010-02-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

From this week on, Wednesday nights are gonna be movie nights for Francisco and me. And I am really excited about it. We are fun when we're together. If somebody films us while we joke around, two things will happen:
1- the world will make sure we are both very much crazy
2- everyone will laugh a whole lot without knowing exactly why or at what they're laughing

Seasons Switch

2010-02-18T23:24:00.001-08:00

I know... Spring approaches with those little colorful rosebuds and the new twigs but it will always be winter in me

nail

2010-02-13T12:06:00.000-08:00

I'm a nail, polish me, color me, make me shine... I'm a nail...

begone

2010-02-13T00:54:00.000-08:00

I am writing my SOP. The fear helped a lot and I am hurrying now. Let us go... Let us go everyone...

All of 'em are the same

2010-02-10T00:34:00.000-08:00

Why do friends forsake you and when they do that intentionally they are always putting the blame on you? Why do friends think that they can decide to meet you whenever they want not when you have the time too?
Why do I have to find this misery every now and then?

...

2010-02-07T04:33:00.001-08:00

These hands... these hands...

HomeT

2010-02-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

I know I have missed this place and how foggy it gets at nights and how curly my hair gets and how everything has a sense of familiarity which has long been defamiliarized...

goodbye Mr.Salinger

2010-01-28T12:45:00.001-08:00

Bananafish cries: an absolutely imperfect day for her

I am FREE

2010-01-27T03:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord I am sorry for you cuz since you never suffer to take exams you will never feel so blessed when they are over and you're off.

Report 7 !

2010-01-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Literary Movements was astonishing ! 10 questions which needed tens of hundreds of lines to be explained and yet it was not enough. Tell me how I am supposed to explain the events and reasons that led to shifts from realism, romanticism, naturalism, transcendentalism, dadaism and surrealism only in approximately 200 words?

And then being a dual-degree student, having an official letter for the Farsi professor to let me take my exam later than others (since it was held right at 10 a.m when I was taking Literary Movements) and yet being rejected by him...

oh dear: knock knock, professor B you suck!

Report 6 !

2010-01-25T01:55:00.000-08:00

I am neutrally done with Teaching Methodology now.
Today I also had my Simple Prose Texts exam. To elaborate on the quality of the course, professor and the final I will give you an example quoted from the exam:

Q: Which of the following is not considered a prose text?
a) essay b) autobiography c) report d) poem

I will leave the rest to you.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m I have two sweet exams simultaneously, one being Literary Movements at FFL and the other Farsi at FFA which means that as soon as I am done with the first one I gotta run out and take a taxi down to the main campus and get busy with my second exam. It is also interesting for me to reveal that I have not started studying for any of them yet while I have to write a paper for my Literary Movement course too... I have approximately 20 hours to do everything which starts right NOW...

Report 5 !

2010-01-22T23:14:00.001-08:00

It's one of those days...
Get up Sara, just get up...

P.S: Teaching methodology...
P.S2: It's 12:15 a.m, Sunday now; dear God what's wrong with me? I can't feel half of my body from time to time and it's like I am dreaming everything that is happening... Wake up Sara, just stay alert...

P.S3: I mean why? why teaching? Why me? This book has to be really brief, what was Jack.C.Richards thinking when he just went on and on extra-writing?!

Report 4 !

2010-01-19T23:35:00.000-08:00

Literary Terms down,
I am busy with French 3 now which will launch at 2 p.m

I am so tired and down.
Yesterday after the exam I was lying down in the hallway with my head on my friend's lap and this guard came forward saying: "security cameras are showing you..."
I was like: "dude security cameras have nothing more threatening than me lying down looking like a corpse to show?"

Oh Lord! I live in Iran...

P.S: after having made 20 sentences with already-there material for my French final it seems like I am done with French for the rest of my academic life (and for a while in general) since I am not sure when I am going to go to a French class and improve the language, if at all...

Report 3 !

2010-01-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

On air now: Literary Terms
Show must go on...

Fine, I worked a lot on myself until I finally started studying at like 11:30 a.m while my concentration problem is less hectic than the past few days and this is merely because I know exactly what the material is but still my mind slips on lots of things and I have ideological problems with my beloved M.H.Abrams (!) especially when he quotes feministic remarks.

From time to time I happen to stress out about the result of my Literary Terms mid-term exam of which I am not aware, along with freaking out about my Testing final. It's really unfortunate that how well one has done during the term does not matter. I mean this cannot guarantee anything because Zeus is the professor and we are more of lambs that human beings...

Report 2 !

2010-01-16T05:49:00.000-08:00

Literary Criticism 1, down.

Special thanks to the demons, questions #2 and #3 and the professor looking at me like he always does while calling me "kid"...

On air now: Testing
Let the show begin...

P.S: Marvelous! as I continue reading, every few seconds I make sure that the professor had nothing to do with any of these concepts during the tens of hours of our classroom time. I mean he has no clue what goes on in the text book he introduced for the course. All I derive from the lecture notes I took are a bunch of his memories and my own doodles...

P.S 2: Remember I talked about doodles? well that chapter is over and all I can think of now is my beautiful noodles! The last chapter can wait till I feel content having had tasty noodles...

Report !

2010-01-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

It's 5:20 in the afternoon, Friday of course and I am freaking out about these exams. I mean it's just like I have run thousands of miles and I can't make the last few. This is my senior year and I absolutely have no will to study or wrap anything up.

Doing Testing at the moment: 1 chapter down, 2 to go and I already don't remember half of the stuff I just read.

P.S: 12:10 Saturday morning, Plato is all over my mind and I am battling to have answers ready for his dilemmas and questions while the whole thing (this whole literary criticism) is too abstract and too intermingled with philosophy. I prefer to read poems and interpret them...

Grandpa

2010-01-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

I so miss you